Author.

Screen Shot 2015-09-11 at 11.22.10 PMIn the middle of my daily drudgery at the office, a text popped in with what I hoped to be my future. Travel Channel created a reality show that needed contestants, and was holding auditions TODAY. The hope was to find the luckiest of all ducks: he/she would be the host of their own travel web series. Upon reading (skimming) the guidelines, I hustled my big blue eyes over to my boss, hoping that that extra swish of mascara would allow my early retreat from work. Without mentioning much, he signed off on my early departure, gave me a spank, and wished me the best of luck.

Rushing off towards the Tastemade Studios, with my newly acquired bruise, I started gathering bits and pieces of odd travel tales. Not really knowing the rules, because I, uh, read it so closely, I closed my eyes to see what I could conjure up.

Hmmm….monkeys? Sure. Anxiety problems? YES. Mild mention of extreme poverty of India, which shows my adventurous side? Well, yeah.

While my half-assed meditation was in motion, I felt a nudge and an almost paper cut on my arm. “Hey, you might want this.” I bypassed lunch, so I was sort of anticipating a pack of fruit snacks. Instead, he handed me a paper with all the rules and guidelines that we should probably know.

After a quick read over, my meditations were fairly useless. “2 minutes to describe where you’re from, why and what made you love travel, and how you like to travel”. Whaaa? Ok. While scrambling my shit together to form cohesive sentences, a camera with a lovely female voice asked me what part of the process I was in. Clearly, I do not audition often (read: at all) so I was fairly dumbfounded when I faced with this question, and in front of a looming camera.

Welp.

Here we go.

Everyone loves illicit drugs and personality disorders, so of course I am going to take that road.

“Well, I made sure to take my Xann-I mean Xanax (leave street slang at home) today, so I am feeling great. (illicit drug reference – good!) I’m not gonna hide like I want to, because I am so anxious right now” (mention of panic disorder – I’m totally in.)

Lucky for me, I did indeed make the highlights of the L.A. auditions – which the above picture is from. Unpleasantly, I did not make the final 15. A blessing in disguise really, because yours truly does not advertise herself well – unless I can wear a sandwich board.

Also…I was sort of not thrilled with the idea of being known as “the lady with monkey problems”.

One comment on “Author.

  1. Snowflake says:

    Next time… monkey lady, ha! :}

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